Vestigial Consciousness

Wordpress

2006-12-02T15:55:00.000+05:30

Owing to the recent issues i've been having with Blogger, I decided to switch to Wordpress. Everything else remains the same, please redirect to my new blog. I might post here as well, so don't delete this link just as yet however my primary focus shall be Wordpress.

Angel

2006-11-28T23:19:00.000+05:30

It's funny how similar the pattern of love is to insanity remarks the Merovingian. I agree; Yet I concur faith in that insanity.
That moment in which one understands what Marvin means when he says "She smells like angels ought to smell." Or when you can smell her hair and understand what Poets have been writing for ages. Or when you watch her sleep and know how a mother feels for her baby.
A Dame to Live for... A Dame to Die for... A Dame to kill for... A Dame to be Killed for.
Dame... Damn.

Monetarious Maximus

2006-11-08T19:17:00.000+05:30

I always try to tell myself that making money is a thing simple enough. Every time I look at people around me, the feeling only gets reinforced. The only trouble is the standards I've set for myself - to be paid for enjoying what I do, doing what I love doing and doing it magnificiently well.
Darn it, even that forms a very wide gamut of options... Sigh.
Anyways, I was reading about the millionaire who's behind the publishing house "Dennis". The entire fortune is based almost singularily on the success of the most sold men's Magazine around the globe - Maxim. Dennis was in shambles till Maxim happened about a decade ago... then Maxim happened.
Like Dennis, Should I start by getting me into a jail first?

Intinerant

2006-11-06T14:51:00.000+05:30

Being on the run gives me a supercilious feeling. Even if I may not be doing anything worthwhile, I feel at comfort with myself if I'm just doing something. I might be running around from door to door, from pillar to poles, even in circles. I need to be running.

Flogger

2006-11-01T00:54:00.000+05:30

Another day. And there I was, trying to hide away from it all. The questions, the mess, the prospects, the ideas, the speech; everything. Not wanting to bother to scream. Waiting and waiting and waiting. "Everyone saying different things to me, different things to me."

JVN

2006-10-30T08:10:00.000+05:30

Math in itself is probably one of the most beautiful languages, the best of mathematicians being no less than poets. Jon Von Neumann was probably one of the undermined ones. The anecdotes of his life nonetheless have very interesting silhouettes of his mind which was no less beautiful than any other I've admired. There are various opinions about an incident which proves the sheer brutal power of that beautiful brain. Nothing notable till I ask you to find the biggest square you can fit in a quarter circle, inscribe a circle in it and so on...
One could directly dedudce that the biggest square would have 'r' as the diagonal. Or you could do what I did...
Did JVN smile wherever he was? I sure was grinning for one.
(Forgive me for being uber-bumptious; I love it.)

Memento

2006-10-28T22:09:00.000+05:30

You wake up, it's been barely 20 minutes that the sleep got better of you. Seems like hours; maybe days... months all together.
And then it dawns, you have a condition you bugger.
Now that there was a plain faced lie. I don't have 'a' condition. I have conditions. Come to think of it, everyone who has a story to tell has a condition; If their condition allows them to; that is. Yes, but that is not what this is about; no it ain't.
This here is when you can open your eyes and your body behaves like a god-damnedcomputer. It jerks up but one at a time. Like a system regaining it's powers, going through checks and bringing itself up. Maybe it's the fatigue; could be the desperation; could be even worse.
But it ain't. it's just my condition.
My condition.
That god forsaken condition.

Uber

2006-10-24T11:16:00.000+05:30

The bend. I'm over it now. I'm way too bumptious to care about time, possibly that's why it's got a very visible contempt for me. There comes a time when you are no longer bothered by either of wins or losses; You couldn't care less for either.

Watched a much anticipated movie recently. Probably the only thing that was wrong about the movie, was the same - it was uber.

Basin City

2006-10-17T19:28:00.000+05:30

Damn i'm hooked! Badly!
I don't think it'd be a copyright infringement if i repeat Miller:
"The night is as hot as hell. Everything Sticks.
It's a lousy room in a lousy part of the town. ..."
But the trouble is, once i'm hooked to something, it pretty much becomes all i can ponder over. It's not as warm as I'm making it sound but I'll nevertheless draw parallels. I need to kick this habit out. If it were a habit, i might have... it's deeper than that. The cerebellum or somplace else.

I've always felt i'm gonna develop some kinda psychotic illness some day and not know it at all. Everything around me seems sick at times. I have repeated senses of Deja Vu. For a 22 year old, that is a very troublesome fact. to think that I have seen too much is both bumptious beyond me, but also probably incorrect. Au Contraire, if I have actually seen so much; i'm pretty much close to the climax! I like neither of those thoughts... I keep hoping I don't have any more.

The Sun Goes Up...

2006-10-17T08:03:00.000+05:30

And the sun goes down; Nothing changes. A wierd thought pops up in my head. Am i real at all? Am i just a figment of someone's imagination? Is there a consequence of my actions that has any greater impact than just on me? Am i really not a character out of some Frank Miller? But then i'm sure a darker city would've been more likely for that to be true. Maybe it's the truman show? Nah... There aren't that perfect coincidences here.
Another Morning, a whole lot hotter than I want it to be; sunnier than i'd prefer; more sluggish than i'd like; soporific as hell. Murphy, ah! He loves me like a child. If I apply sunscreen, out of nowhere a cloud would come and make sure it pours; i don't i'll come back looking more the colour of a kodiak.
I see those Basin City people all around me. All but one... Darn! where's that Dame to Kill for?
I'm so fuckin sure; someone draws his daily dose of entertainment from my life.

Deconstruction of Identity

2006-10-16T08:40:00.000+05:30

A workplace that deconstructs someone's identity, objectifies it to the level of testifiable markers that can be understood clinically.
A thinker who refuses objectification, refuses to be equated, to be cut down to the size of Mediocres.
Not really the best of matches.

Kansas City Shuffle

2006-10-15T01:30:00.000+05:30

i'm here for one. (Wiki if you dunno what I am referring to)
--
Its a blindfold kick back type of a game
Called the Kansas City Shuffle
Whereas you look left and they fall right
Into the Kansas City Shuffle
Its a they-think you-think you don't know
Type of Kansas City hustle
Where you take your time
Wait your turn
And hang them up, and out to dry

(indistinct voice)

Its a shakedown switch arrive in town
Type of Kansas City Shuffle
Gotta' make both sides and let it ride
On the Kansas City Shuffle
Now the tables turned the lessons learned
You've gotta earn yourself some trouble
Revenge like this, never sweet-
You've got yourself a long ride home

(indistinct voice)

And so it is...

2006-10-14T17:56:00.000+05:30

Just like you said it would be...
Just another wasted day, utterly, completely. When i keep wishin I was a "-ano"... or a "Sonny"... Maybe a "Pauli"... Just some fukin Italian American Mobster. When i Wish the whether was as chilly as hell. Maybe i've been watching too much Sopranos. And repeating shows of Donnie Brasco on the PC... Going over Good Fellas again and again.
You ever had that feeling when you were really sure that you pretty much detested the thing you wanted the most? And that just about everything falls into this category?
Screw it all. Go watch Lucky Number Slevin. A simpler story told in a sufficiently non-boring simple manner.
Despite low quotient on quite a few factors, incliding a very predictable story, Some simple expressions well put that I ended up liking (not because it was ground breaking, but because it just fits so perfectly on me right now). Like Slevin Let's just say i'm 'Tired of being the dog without a day.'

Good Fellas...

2006-10-13T02:10:00.000+05:30

I have to be disturbed about this... The narrator of the Scorsese masterpiece knew what he wanted to do ever since he was a kid. I'm 22... and still clueless about what I want to do.

Random Acts of senselessness

2006-10-11T04:11:00.000+05:30

When i say (and I often do, to Anna); men are inherently sadistic; this is precisely what I mean. A couple of weeks ago, I was outside this temple and returned to find out my bike's seat torn. What did the asinine bastard gain out of it? A Sadistic satisfaction at the most? But then i tend to forget that that is probably enough for most out there. However, this is an even more random, senseless and far heineous crime. How sick can one get? Apparently endlessly more...

Graphic...

2006-10-10T01:37:00.000+05:30

Irreversible retains the top spot in my list of most graphic movies despite me having just finished Caligula. There's something about the latter that makes it very different from being plain graphic. I'm not too sure if I can rate it very highly, yet i must say that it's rightfully a very notorious title.

It's not about the bike...

2006-10-10T01:34:00.000+05:30

It's not about the car either. Nor about the Money. It's not about the Fame. It's not about the love. It's not about adoration. It's not about Respect. It's not about Nirvana. It's not about a Book. It's not about the music. It's not about the lies. Or the truths. It's not about the life...
It's about me... That is all it is about.

Monday morning

2006-10-09T08:14:00.000+05:30

Yet another monday. I wonder if Swaminathan actually had as many issues with Mondays as I do. But i'm pretty sure of atleast one thing - swami must not have expected as much.

Infamy

2006-10-07T17:16:00.000+05:30

Give 'em their movie stars and they'd probably want little else; them americans and Indians...
Why do people want to become famous? To only try escaping them for the rest of their lives? Or did The two just make a big mistake? Probably fame was something they never were looking for, it just became a part of their reprobation? Then again, why do people want to peep into other lives? Can we not behave like normal human beings? Can we not appreciate people just for what they do, instead of who they are? We, the human species, collectively; are probably the singular most insipidly obsessed genetic strain on this planet.
Those who hide have nothing to hide and those who seek have nothing to find... and yet we go on and on and on... Hiding and seeking, Running Away and Running to, Remembering to forget and forgetting to remember. Fans, i have nothing against the couple, this is a general outburst - they just happened to be the faces.

Glock, Frock And Two bubbling snorkels...

2006-10-07T02:47:00.000+05:30

There's some recluse in finding utter chaos resplendent in arguments and such is the fate of almost all siginificant health debates. A Coffee Bar cum Huqqa Lounge opened in the city at a very convenient location and I ended up seriously impressed by it. Before the first time I ever smoked one, I asked several people about the consequences of them, only to be elaborately told that the smoke due to the filtration by the water is far less harmful besides the fact that in the very first place, it ain't tobacco that burns but an artificial flavour. The headrush i got after the first round refuted it starkly and I was pretty sure that there was more to a huqqa than met the eye. One waiter confided to it having a certain concentration of nicotine too.
Well, i happened to watch a small story on NDTV and found both these claims refuted. While there haven't been the deepest of studies in this direction, Huqqas would do your lungs damage is a fact i came to discover. How much, is a question of much debate. There are those who say that a narghile (huqqa) causes manifold damage as compared to a Cigarette, there are studies that refute the claim with equal vehemence.
For now, i'll put a hold onto this nascent liking of mine and wait for better researches to come up.

Diwali Wish List...

2006-10-05T01:46:00.000+05:30

My list is neverending though, but amongst everything else I Want a this and a that. Not to add Oblivion, NFS Carbon and NWN 2.

Smells Like Bull Shit...

2006-10-04T22:52:00.000+05:30

"I'm worse at what, I do best and for this Gift, I feel Blessed..."

There are very few days when i don't feel like drinking Good Coffee, Reading/Writing or even Listening to Music... Today was one of those. The Days I'm reminded of Calvin telling Miss Wormwood on being Asked what state do we live in: Denial. The days when i'm waiting for Curt (whom I admire, but only moderately) to Scream A Denial, a denial, a denial... The Days when i'm searching so hard for an excuse to be gloomy, I rejoice the moment it rains. I love the city for but one reason - it rains so often; and rainy days are quintessentially gloomy. Atleast that gives me something to blame it all on...
Don't let that Cobain go vain... Turn the volume up will ya?
A DENIAL!

A Reprobates Imprecation...

2006-10-02T19:22:00.000+05:30

As usual, it's 1:30 and everyone else in the house is dead asleep. It's been five day since I watched the movie and I still can't this that song outta my head. The original is a Song called Tak Bisakah, yet there's something about this remix. Somehow I can relate more to it. Maybe it's because the lyrics are so much more familiar in Hindi; Maybe it's because I can relate to the sorrow inherent in those words...
All in all, it's one of those moments when i feel grossly an anachronox in this world. We don't deserve each other but I wish we could put up... Maybe everyone in this world is a misfit for the time that he lives in. Your imprecation is to keep searcing for the perfect time to live in and keep running away from the only perfect time. Now?

Unwell...

2006-10-01T13:28:00.000+05:30

Life has become a perpetual Deja Vu these days... I uncannily keep getting the feeling that i've done this before... I have probably written the same song in an earlier post but... WTF! I can do it over again, cause this is what I am right now:

"... But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be..."

37

2006-10-01T06:42:00.000+05:30

This nation is far from being any where close to a digital revolution; That was the total turnout at the midnight unveiling of the X360 in India, yours truly being the 37th guy to have cared. Well, in context of the previous post, Apparently, i do care; but the more I care about somethin, the lesser the world seems to care about it and vice versa...

Ceremonious Stance

2006-10-01T06:29:00.000+05:30

A couple of days ago, another of those turned up... Those Birthdays them... There's something so utterly repulsive about celebrating ageing and yet men do. Anyways, I got ceremonious and used the time to catch up with friends and take stock of life in general... Turns out, i'm running bankrupt (metaphorically, nitwits) pretty soon... If only i cared.
That seems to be a very scary fact though...

Depth is Over-Rated

2006-10-01T06:22:00.000+05:30

I know Patel, I know... But you aren't gonna write these words anyways. I think Tori had similar thought in her mind when she sang -
"...So you've found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts,
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts..."
What is it about deep thougts anyways? I think we are all shallow, in our specific ways. The guy in the Black SLK, the guy sleeping next to the gutter, the girl in the really revealing dress so over conscious of her breasts and pretending to be comfortable in the stinging cold, the nursing mom...
"... well i love the way we communicate,
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape,
lets hear what you think of me now but baby don't look up..."

:((

2006-09-30T03:00:00.000+05:30

Tu jo nahin hai to kucch bhi nahi hai,
Yeh maana ki mehfil jawaan hai, haseen hai;

Mujhe Phir Tabaah kar, mujhe phir rula ja,
Sitam karne waale, kahin se to aa ja;

Aankhon mein teri soorat basi hai,
Teri hi tarah tera gham bhi haseen hai;

Jidhar bhi yeh dekhein, Jahaan bhi yeh jaayein,
Tujhe Dhoondhti hain, Yeh Paagal Nigaahein;

Main zinda hoon lekin kahaan zindagi hai?
Meri Zindagi tu kahaan kho gayi hai?

Talk about Desks...

2006-07-27T18:15:00.000+05:30

This is the future of my desktop... and yours.

Reclaimation!

2006-07-23T17:22:00.000+05:30

It took me one week of a diseased me to reclaim my life!
The better part is I feel i'm on my way! My grey cells can finally feel themselves. I got back my online life and my gamer life for a starter... Now i'm trying to reclaim my expressive life.
So keep tuned into this space for more.
Here's what i did to revamp my Gaming life. Take a look and i'd sure love to hear about my collection (you should manage to find it without much effort).

Bungee

2006-07-11T20:54:00.000+05:30

I want to cut me free from this life. Whether or not there's a rope attached to my feet, i want to let go. I hate it all.

A Dissection of The Experiment

2006-07-11T19:34:00.000+05:30

Read this totally unnecessary discussion.

Dream On

2006-07-11T16:04:00.000+05:30

Everytime that i look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin' clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life's in books written pages
Lived and learnd from fools and from sages
You know it's true
All these things come back to you
(all the things you do, motherfucker, come back to you)**

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter 'n sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Mabye tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Dream on, dream on, dream on
Dream yourself a dream come true
Dream on, dream on, dream on
Dream until your dream comes true
Dream on, dream on, dream on
Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream on

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter 'n sing for the tears
Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

- Aerosmith

O Fortuna, Velut Luna!

2006-06-02T16:27:00.000+05:30

Sors salutis
et virtutis
mihi nunc contraria;
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria.
hac in hora
sine mora
cordae pulsum tangite!
quod per sortem
sternit fortem,
mecum omnes plangite!

Eloping With Tori Amos...

2006-04-25T17:37:00.000+05:30

Tori Amos has been gifted with one of the finest voices ever to have fallen on my ears... Few sing as soulfully as her. But what really captures me is the gravity of her expression...
"Is it right, Butterfly; they like you better framed & dried?"

The Man Who Sold The World

2006-02-22T17:56:00.000+05:30

Of Late, its becoming increasingly difficult to keep myself from Nihilistic thoughts. I hope coldplay would make more sense:

"He said I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
Oh and I'm gonna buy this place, that's what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head."

Is there anything worth fighting for???

Complex Simplicity

2006-02-10T16:43:00.000+05:30

Have you ever wondered that as you try to make anything simpler, what needs to go behind it increasingly gets more & more complex?

Purity

2006-02-01T17:52:00.000+05:30

A Sign outside a bank Reads "Gold at it's Purest..."
Interesting to observe how the human race percieves everything in their environment as if they were naturally superior. Many arguments are based on the same pretext for how else can one explain the satire inherent in the words? Gold by itself is just Gold. Should we not be speaking for the purity of what we synthesize & not the putiry of Gold?

55 years of a Lost Republic...

2006-01-25T17:22:00.000+05:30

Been recieving "Happy Republic Day" & "Proud to be an Indian" all day long and i thought i should share the joy.
But i wonder if the very fact that we need a 'day' to remind us of our nationality is something that makes me wonder about how proud we actually are. The misplaced sense of pride that is being touted across since this morning makes me sad at the entire Idea. Apparently, there are only 4 hours of patriotism in the entire Year... half an hour of Republic Day, half an hour of Independence Day (both of which our able youth spends sleeping coz the flag is hoisted at a bloody inhuman time... 9 in the morning!) & 3 hours of an illusory Aamir Khan Movie (that too, is more like a leap year). Flood Donation drives & Tsunami Relief is a job best left to the government, eh? There was this drive to contribute a days salary for the Flood relief when i'd joined my corp... Outta 27 in my batch i was among 3 who contributed, coz we pay taxes to the goverment, they gotta have money to pay for that damage, shouldn't they?
When was the last time you ate a candy bar & left the wrapper strewn casually as if the street sweeper needed some work? I shall say no more, save that 21 years of my existence has disillusioned me. Nevertheless...
Anticipating a change.

King Nothing

2006-01-23T12:41:00.000+05:30

Life these days is dangling dangerously between Reality & Surreality. Picture this: You are on a tour of an old Historic place... Better still, it's a school picnic to a rustic fort. The tour guide takes the kids along showing them around. As they go around, they come to a Huge Cannon, mounted at a fort wall. The kids are thrilled at the very sight of a real Cannon. Some sit upon it, some shove their heads into the barrel... take each others pics on the cannon...
I'm that cannon... Used to serve the purpose it was made for at some point of time; brilliantly in fact, but is now only a medium of entertainment - utterly wasted.
Bring me to Life?

Gracias Garcia

2006-01-20T18:55:00.000+05:30

Marquez is one of the few authors who make me feel a little less sorry about being born as a human, ironically though the part i like about his works is almost always the authenticity of the human nature that he paints. Those who've read him & agree with me, do read his latest work but Don't expect anything. Those new to the guy, Marquez is quite comparable to Scorsese.

Memories of My Melancholy Sores

2006-01-20T16:22:00.000+05:30

Pain is an interesting phenomenon. The necessity of it has always been debatable. While on one hand I, being a die-hard objectivist, denounce the necessity of Pain; on the other i've not yet been able to come to terms (or disagree) with myself. Ayn Rand put forth the idea as a question in Atlas Shrugged: "Why is the worst form of pain reserved for those who refuse to acknowledge its necessity?"; something which i don't have an answer for.
Sometimes i feel if the entire world suffers from a perennial (but perpetual) tall poppy syndrome, on others i feel it itself is a place where everyone feels threatened by excellence; which one of the two, i'm not too sure though.

Save Me From Humans...

2006-01-19T12:07:00.000+05:30

The only hope that one aware of his own existence lives with, is that someday he'll understand himself and that he would be understood. But why would those who truly understand their own selves want to be understood by others? Is it of any consequence? Is it only to find if there are others who agree with him & ergo convince himself of the validity of his thoughts? But then, an aware mind would also realise that no two perspectives would be the same & the inconsequential nature of these thoughts. I wish i could do away with the burden of being a man... Perhaps resort to Hunter S. Thompson : "He who makes a beast of himself relieves himself of the pain of being a man."

Meat?

2006-01-18T15:05:00.000+05:30

Here's something for you to chew on.

Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison...

2006-01-18T14:17:00.000+05:30

A Silent Plea...
A Scream...
A Journey...
A Death...
A Life...
A Farce...
A History...
A Denial...
An Acceptance...
An Ode to the Men amongst mortals around me... To all those who think that this Blog ain't that vestigial after all; I'm Back.
"I get knocked Down, But I get up again, You're never gonna keep me down."